Awake

The term "awake" is one that is used very often. 

I looked it up in the dictionary. Some of the descriptions I found were:  
"to wake up; rouse from sleep. to rouse to action; become active. to come or bring to awareness; become cognizant. vigilant, alert."

I have been using the term in excitement many mornings this past week as my girls have been sleeping in past 7:00 am, which is definitely something to celebrate around here. One morning my girls didn't awake until 8:00 am and I had to wake Cal up at 8:30 am. I don't think all three of my kids have broken 8:00 am all on the same day, EVER. Moms of little ones, you know what I'm talking about! :) OK, I digress.......

Back to being awake. This word has been coming back to me over and over during the past few months. For many years, despite being physically awake, I was not mentally, emotionally, or spiritually even close to awake. Instead, those parts of me were in a deep dark slumber, too frozen and fearful to even crack an eye open. 

February 2011 changed everything and started to rouse those parts of me that had been sleeping for so long. I was in New York City ice skating in Central Park. It was a beautiful winter day and I was enjoying myself, but I felt slightly troubled. All of a sudden, I had a very intense and life changing spiritual awakening. I was skating along when God literally lifted a veil that had been over my eyes. I looked around and saw everything through a completely new lens, through eyes (heart, mind, and soul) that were finally awake. It was extremely emotional: enlightening, humbling, scary, exhilarating, and painful. God knew I needed that experience despite the pain it brought, I needed it so I would be spurred to action. His plans are always the best and that's exactly what happened. 

Since that day 2.5 years ago, much has changed in my life. New parts of myself have continued to awaken and at deeper levels. This process of awakening has brought countless blessings. However, it has been very challenging at times. In order to become really alert, vigilant, and to stay awake, I have had to let go of many things that I have used to keep myself warm, sleepy, and numb. I will be completely honest and say this has been excruciating to say the least. I've thrown many of my "lovies" and "security items" in the garbage and traded them for healthy and functional ways of relating to life. It's still a work in progress and I think it always will be to some extent. Despite the pain and struggle, being awake is SO worth it and I do NOT want to go back!

God, thank you for awakening me to life. Even though it can be extremely difficult to keep my heart, mind, soul, and spirit awake when things get tough, I am so grateful to be open to what You put in my path. I trust your plan and timing for my life. Amen