Weekends Without the Kids

My children go with Dad every other weekend in addition to some times during the week. They look forward to that time and so do I! Because of schedules, our weekends go from Saturday morning until Monday morning. By the Friday before they are going, I am usually physically and emotionally drained and in need of a large dose of quiet and solitude. I am an introvert by nature so I crave and need alone time to recharge. The thought of 48 hours to myself gives me delight and encouragement. It's kind of like toward the end of a school vacation, usually both kids and parents are ready for a change. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my children tremendously and miss them when they are gone, but my goal is to keep it real here :)

I wasn't always like this............... In the beginning, I didn't really know what to do when the kids weren't with me. I felt an uncomfortable and painful emptiness. I bombarded myself with busyness to avoid feeling the pain. I wanted to know what they were doing, who they were with, and all the details in between. I was jealous of others getting to spend so much time with them without me. It just didn't feel right and I didn't like it one bit. I had identified so much with my role as a mother that I struggled to be or do much else. I felt lost, scared, and sad. God and many supportive friends encouraged me to enjoy the time I had apart from the kids and that I really needed it. It sounded like a good plan, but the truth was I didn't know how. As time progressed I found myself seeking out refreshing and enjoyable things for myself to do during my time alone. It was pretty fun and peaceful when I allowed myself to really soak it in. I started feeling more revived when the kids came home and I was enjoying them more too. Of course, that Mommy Guilt always tries to sneak in somewhere in what ever we do and I started feeling guilty for really enjoying their time away. I felt like I was a "bad" mom or betraying them in some way. That is where God really got a hold of me!

He revealed that being without my kids was so uncomfortable and foreign because prior to the divorce the kids were with me 95% of the time. He comforted me and told me it was okay to be feeling the way I was. This was starting a new chapter of my life with lots of transitions, growing pains were to be expected. This time was a gift from Him so I could begin to rediscover who I am as a person, the person He dearly loves. This changed the whole playfield! I am grateful that my perspective has changed. I anticipate the weekends at Dad's without guilt and so do the kids. They get their Daddy time and I get my Shannon time. I am realizing that I am pretty good company and I deserve breaks just as everyone else does. I am getting in touch with things that I enjoy to do that I haven't done in years. I am building and growing girlfriend relationships, both new and old. I am experiencing the Lord in new and deeper ways. I am sleeping in, watching movies, reading, and doing nothing. I am working and getting involved in new projects. There is so much to gain, celebrate, and enjoy now that I have my eyes and heart open to it. Speaking of free weekends............. mine started this morning at 8:30 am, that explains why I am still up after 11:00 pm :)