Cell Phone Withdrawal

The other day I left my phone at church. I had to spend almost 24 hours without it. That is the longest I have ever been without it since I got it over seven years ago. It was odd and uncomfortable. I felt like something was missing and I felt a bit lost. In addition to using my phone for the basic calls and texts, I rely heavily on it for the calendar, daily schedule, lists, and journal. I got an iphone in March and since then my "relationship" with my phone has really taken off. I often feel like my life is on my phone and if I were to lose it or the information it contains I would be panicked.

So it got me thinking............... Do I have a "cell phone relationship" with God? Do I feel lost without Him? Is my whole life wrapped up in Him? Do I panic when I think of losing Him? During the day when I have the choice between cell phone and God, who do I choose?

I have to admit, sometimes I experience some boredom in my relationship with God. Currently I am in a place like that. Several months ago I discovered some new dimensions in my relationship with God; it was fun and exciting to explore them. Now the novelty has worn off and I'm looking for my adrenaline fix again. So where do I look for it? Do I pour into God or do I look elsewhere? 

I'd like to say that I'm always satisfied with God and that I always look to Him to meet all my needs. I'd like to say that I am always in wonderful contact with Him and that our relationship is always growing and thriving. But, I'm here to be real! 

So back to the cell phone......... During my day without my phone God showed me that I often look to it for the instant gratification and excitement that I crave. After my initial discomfort of feeling "naked" without my phone, God provided me with sweet fellowship and peace that was better than and much more long lasting than an adrenaline rush that I might get from texting, Facebook, or Instagram.

Several months ago I was in a very lonely place. I was praying, asking God to send a new person into my life that I could have a very close relationship with. He clearly told me that He wanted to be my best friend and that I would get all that I longed for in a relationship with Him. But the human side of me says, "But God, how do I do that? You are not here next to me in the physical sense to do things with and give me a hug when I need it. How do I make You my best friend?" Thankfully, He is teaching me. Philippians 1:6 says, And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. I read something recently that said, "first we get the willingness, then the ability". I believe God has placed in me a willingness to make Him my best friend and now He is working with me and showing me how to do that in my everyday life. I am so grateful for the promises of scripture! According to Philippians, God starts "good works" in me and keeps teaching and working with me on them until Jesus comes back. So, He is never going to ask me to do something without being there to guide me through it to completion. Thank goodness for that because I need a lot of help! :)

I feel like my day without the phone gave me a taste of the richness of having a really close relationship with God is like without distractions. He showed me what a distraction my phone can be to me and how it can come between God and I. He showed me how I often look to other people to meet needs that only He can meet. He showed me that I often crave other things and people more than I crave Him. He wants to be first place in my life. Certainly not because God is pushy, but because He loves me tremendously and wants amazing blessings in my life. He wants me to be full of peace, contentment, joy, and wisdom and the only way that will happen is if He is my best friend. So, I have pushed my phone aside a little and making more room to be closer to God. I once heard God referred to as a gentleman. I absolutely see that in my life. He uses such gentle ways to show me clear truths and guides me with tenderness and love.

Please comment and share how God has used everyday occurrences to guide you in your relationship with Him. 

Awake

The term "awake" is one that is used very often. 

I looked it up in the dictionary. Some of the descriptions I found were:  
"to wake up; rouse from sleep. to rouse to action; become active. to come or bring to awareness; become cognizant. vigilant, alert."

I have been using the term in excitement many mornings this past week as my girls have been sleeping in past 7:00 am, which is definitely something to celebrate around here. One morning my girls didn't awake until 8:00 am and I had to wake Cal up at 8:30 am. I don't think all three of my kids have broken 8:00 am all on the same day, EVER. Moms of little ones, you know what I'm talking about! :) OK, I digress.......

Back to being awake. This word has been coming back to me over and over during the past few months. For many years, despite being physically awake, I was not mentally, emotionally, or spiritually even close to awake. Instead, those parts of me were in a deep dark slumber, too frozen and fearful to even crack an eye open. 

February 2011 changed everything and started to rouse those parts of me that had been sleeping for so long. I was in New York City ice skating in Central Park. It was a beautiful winter day and I was enjoying myself, but I felt slightly troubled. All of a sudden, I had a very intense and life changing spiritual awakening. I was skating along when God literally lifted a veil that had been over my eyes. I looked around and saw everything through a completely new lens, through eyes (heart, mind, and soul) that were finally awake. It was extremely emotional: enlightening, humbling, scary, exhilarating, and painful. God knew I needed that experience despite the pain it brought, I needed it so I would be spurred to action. His plans are always the best and that's exactly what happened. 

Since that day 2.5 years ago, much has changed in my life. New parts of myself have continued to awaken and at deeper levels. This process of awakening has brought countless blessings. However, it has been very challenging at times. In order to become really alert, vigilant, and to stay awake, I have had to let go of many things that I have used to keep myself warm, sleepy, and numb. I will be completely honest and say this has been excruciating to say the least. I've thrown many of my "lovies" and "security items" in the garbage and traded them for healthy and functional ways of relating to life. It's still a work in progress and I think it always will be to some extent. Despite the pain and struggle, being awake is SO worth it and I do NOT want to go back!

God, thank you for awakening me to life. Even though it can be extremely difficult to keep my heart, mind, soul, and spirit awake when things get tough, I am so grateful to be open to what You put in my path. I trust your plan and timing for my life. Amen     

A Beautiful Mess

A beautiful mess, such a contradiction! Is it even possible? I heard this phrase a few weeks ago when the MOPS theme for next year was revealed.

MOPS stands for Mothers of Preschoolers. It is a group for moms with kids who aren't in school yet and provides childcare during the meetings. Moms have childless time with other women, eat, do activities, listen to speakers, support one another, laugh, and have uninterrupted conversations. Check out www.mops.org for a group near you. I go to The Wesleyan Church of Hamburg group and it is incredible!

Okay, MOPS plug over :) Back to a beautiful mess...... In general, I don't like messes. I am the kind of person who likes things in its place neatly. I'm not much for lots of things. Actually one of my favorite things to do is get rid if stuff I don't need or really want. It's like a snake shedding its skin, when I release things I feel clearer and freer. When I start to feel overwhelmed by the task of taking care of stuff, I know it's time for me to purge some. It's harder to have a mess when you don't have too much stuff. My stuff has to serve me, not the other way around.

I can tolerate a mess for a short while, but there always comes the time that I need it cleaned up NOW!!! I feel calmer, safer, and more secure when their is not much clutter and everything is in its "home". It also saves a lot of frustration when I need or want something, I know right where it is.

The thing is, I can't prevent nor clean up all messes despite my best efforts. I struggle and strive but it's no use, it's not my fight. It's hard to accept sometimes. What do you mean I can't clean this one up even if I jump through hoops? I sometimes have to struggle for a while to no avail. Then I hear it, the soft, gentle whisper....... "It's not your fight Shannon, I got this one." And then I remember, I'm not in control, I'm not God. I'm trying to do God's job and shirking some of my own responsibilities. The wisdom washes over me (for the umpteenth time) that I am responsible for doing my part the best that I can and Then trust God with the outcome. Sounds easy, but for a control-freak like me that is a tall order!

Then it hits me....... My life is a beautiful mess and God is cleaning it up one day at a time. He is cleaning up things that I thought were impossible to tame. He is using my messes to bring beauty, blessing, and healing to myself and others. God is doing the unthinkable in my limited human perspective, He is turning my ashes into beauty, He is turning my misery into my ministry. He is cultivating things in me that would have been impossible had my life gone in a different direction. He is bringing me through abuse, addiction, divorce, impurity, anxiety, depression, isolation, hatred, judgment, fear, and a host of sin. It blows my mind to think about the ways He is transforming my life! What do ya say, are you going to let Him do the same in your life?

Please leave a comment sharing how God has turned your messes into beauty!!

My Crew

This picture was taken at my sister's wedding this past November. It is such a wonderful keepsake and I hope to never forget that day! I grew up wanting to be a mom and once I had children, a part of me ignited that I hadn't experienced before. I now know that God blessed me with these three precious children for very specific reasons and that I am the perfect parent for my crew. God knew that they would change me as I pour into them. I am so honored and privileged to be entrusted with these tremendous children. Parenting has been the most humbling and educational experience of my life!

  Let me introduce you to my crew.......

Ella Grace Summer 2012
Born August 25, 2006

Ella is 6 years old and in 1st grade. You can definitely tell she is the oldest, she loves to lead and take care of her brother and sister. She does very well in school and loves interacting with others and excitement! She often says she can't wait to be a mom when she grows up, she also hopes to become a  teacher. She is a servant at heart and really enjoys helping others. Ella is very spirited, intense, and determined. She has taught me SO much about myself and parenting.

Mya Rose Summer 2012
Born April 18, 2009

Mya is 3.5 years old and this is her first year in preschool. Mya is shy and introverted by nature, but once you get to know her she shows her silly side! She is very observant, content, and sweet. She loves to snuggle and prefers to be in calm, low-key settings. Mya loves to help with chores. Mya is very versatile, one minute playing dress-up with Ella and the next playing trains with Cal, and loving both. She is very independent, patient, and resilient. 

Cal Howard Summer 2012
Born October 17, 2010

Cal is 2 years old and can't wait to go to school! He is our sweet class clown. He is extremely out-going and social. He makes friends with anyone and everyone. Cal is very energetic and gets excited about anything that has wheels or transports things. It's so fun to experience things through the eyes of a little boy after having two girls. Cal is incredibly affectionate, coming over to me out of the blue for a hug and snuggles as long as he can at bedtime. He is very curious and keeps us all on our toes! 

My Testimony

I grew up going to church and attending  private, religious schools. I got really great doctrine! The part I missed was that God loved me no matter what and that I could have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. My perception of God was distant, punishing, and condemning. I prayed the rote prayers I was taught because that is "what I was supposed to do", I didn't really know what they meant. For the most part, I spent my life feeling less than and striving to earn the approval and love of others and God. I am a recovering perfectionist, so I never could get anything "just right" and always carried around a lot of pressure, guilt, and shame about that. I lived with countless "shoulds". Thankfully, I am gaining some freedom from all the lies I once believed. :)

After having my first daughter in 2006, I struggled with postpartum depression. One night I came across a special about The Duggar Family and was gripped by their huge family, their amazing faith, and the love and peace in their home. God planted a seed! During my pregnancy with my second daughter in 2009, I felt a strong desire to start reading my bible. So I pulled out my 8th grade bible and started reading. After looking around on The Duggar Family website and found the Daily Success Daily Devotional Program so I decided to try it out. The program consisted of 49 weeks of study focusing on Jesus' commands to us. They came daily via email and also included activities, character qualities, study questions, and additional resources for each week. I started this program in October 2009 and the first day I was hooked. I craved to learn more and get to know God better through Jesus. Most importantly, I knew this was the direction for my life that I had been searching for and gave my life to Christ right then and there. Immediately my heart began to change; my rebirth was underway........................... I read and listened to everything I could get my hands on. One thing I learned during that time was that most people go through a time in the wilderness immediately following their salvation, especially if they are saved as adults. That has definitely been my experience.

The past three years have been a wild ride! In that time, I found an amazing home church with wonderfully supportive and godly individuals, had another baby (my precious son), was baptized in an outdoor pond, entered into 12 Step recovery, and divorced from my husband of almost 9 years. My life has changed directions and despite the challenges, my worst day with Jesus has been better than my best day without Him!!