Victim or Victor?

This goes along with yesterday's post about Living in the Solution. So what exactly does that mean to me? It's easy to throw out some fancy, positive words; it's quite another to live by them. As I said yesterday, please don't misunderstand any of this. I don't accomplish what I set out to do all the time. I struggle, I fall, sometimes I can pick myself up and dust myself off and move on, other times I need handfuls of friends and supporters who literally drag me out of the mud pit I have myself sprawled out and stuck in. Of course I want to do it "right" every time (remember I am a recovering perfectionist :), but I know that is not possible and it's in my best interests that I stumble and fall. So instead, I have adopted a new word that I often use: PURPOSE. One of the dictionary definitions of Purpose: "an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal". So keep this is mind as you read this and other posts on this site. I purpose to do these things, to live them. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I get off course, and sometimes I just fall face first in the mud, but everyday I get "a little bit stronger" (Thanks Sara Evans!)

So back to the original question: What does it mean to live in the solution? For me it means to learn what I really have control over and what I don't and then work to accept them. When I try to change what I don't or was never meant to have control over, I become out of control and alienate people. When I don't control what I am meant to, I relinquish my responsibilities to others and in turn feel helpless and take on a victim-mentality. Both of these alternatives are not very appealing to myself or to those around me. So where do I start? I start by focusing on myself and getting really honest. I need God and often times another healthy person to help me with objectivity. This is usually a very humbling process. 

So what are the things that I can control? How much sleep I get, how I eat, exercise, what I wear, what goes into my body, how I spend my time, what I watch, read, and listen to, who I surround myself with, how I respond to others, my thoughts, my mouth, how I spend my money, what I do for others, how I take care of my living space, and how I care for my children. Basically, I can take care of myself and my children when they are with me. These areas are where I can be empowered if I have the courage to take the control. 

What are the things I can't control? EVERYTHING ELSE! That can be a real thorn in my side sometimes and I wrestle with it. Of course, my wrestling match is all in vein but I can be a slow learner. :) What does that mean for single moms? We can't control what happens when the kids are with Dad, we can't control what Dad does or how he parents, we can't control that we need help, we can't control that we will feel exhausted, overworked, and overwhelmed at times, we can't control what people think about us and their responses to us, and we can't control how our children behave to name a few. Not having control over these things can be maddening at times. The wonderful thing is we do have control over how we respond to these things. This is how we take back control and not become a victim of circumstance. We have choices and we don't have to accept unacceptable behavior. We can have victory in the worst of situations if we choose it!